Image source: Unsplash
The idea for this piece stems from watching porn actresses give hand-jobs. It dawned on me while watching that there was very little going on except for the old 'up and down' technique with lots of fake moaning. In fact, it did not look pleasing and looked as though they were attempting to pull the guy's penis off his body. I delight in giving handjobs. It satisfies the voyeur in me to watch and control the pleasure of another. As I watched these joyless handjobs I wondered, "Where is the creativity and fun?"
A central tenet of my sex life is: Arriving is nice, but getting there is half the fun.
Most women agree that there is nothing worse or less stimulating than having your clit rubbed...and rubbed...and rubbed repeatedly over and over again in the same harsh way; be it with a tongue or fingers. Oh and guys: STUBBLE HURTS LIKE HELL! I don't think that men are any different in that regard. A penis is just a giant, elongated clitoris. The frenulum--just beneath the head of the penis--is where most of the really intense sensations stem from as it harbors the greatest density of free nerve endings[1]. However, constant stimulus coupled with too much pressure on the area renders it numb to sensation. What enhances pleasure during a handjob is a periodic change in technique, touch, pressure, and placement of the hands or fingers during stimulation.
As previously mentioned, sex and intimacy are all about the slowly rising excitement of getting to the Big O. What heightens an encounter for me is naughty playfulness and laughter. I will often make flirtatious tongue-in-cheek comments to break the ice while uninhibitedly exploring, caressing, and fondling every inch of your skin.
Recently, I discussed this with a Lover who said: "Olivia, I don't think I'm alone in saying this... men enjoy having their dicks played with by nearly anyone willing to touch it. Truthfully, let's face it: Ever since we discovered this handy little apparatus dangling between our legs, we have been drawn to it. Touching it, discovering and re-discovering it, and in time--learning a lot about touching it and what feels particularly good. We men generally masturbate a lot! No matter how many times I do it though, it always feels better when my partner(s) does it for me."
The key is plenty of lubrication. I think that goes without saying. Use what is naturally produced by periodically stopping to squeeze out more and more precum as it is produced through slow, teasing play. One can also include water based lubrication such as those sold online or in sex shops. Lastly, if you both are up for exploring soft kink, a finger in the anus while slowly stroking the prostate in a come hither motion will produce adequate lubrication as well.
After that, it is all about giving, pleasuring, and taking control which should ebb and flow naturally between play partners. Although handjobs seem to be a one-sided pleasure activity it can be very pleasurable for both parties, especially when it comes time to reciprocate.
Image source: Spice of lust
Now let's get into the mechanics of a perfect handjob.
There are many things you can do to a man's Johnson to pleasure him. In the initial getting acquainted playful stage, I enjoy using two hands on the shaft and softly twisting in opposite directions. Don't forget the lube! As tension and arousal builds, I will add some soft, very slow up and down strokes to heighten the sensation. I like to savor the practice of giving a handjob. Nothing about the initial stage is rushed. With a wry smile creeping onto my lips and eye contact, I give a minute or two at the most of this and then brief direct stimulation and caressing of just the head of the penis.
Nearly all of the sensitivity of the penis is in the glans[1]. Once again, lubrications is key. Here, I will use a nice 'ovaled' stroking motion by pressing the thumb and index finger together over the head then slow-stroking just below the crest of the "helmet" as its often called. This drives one of my regular play partners wild. But once again, this is just for a minute or two as the goal is to build on the pleasure and create deeper intimacy. This is also a great tool for edge play as well. From here, things flow fluidly into my favorite motion: Rolling my fingers over the glans before sliding down the shaft; then coming back up, and finishing by rolling my fingers over the glans in the opposite direction. The rolling motion is similar to when you roll a coin through the fingers.
From here, imagination is key. You can go back to a variation of the 'up and down' motion by palming the entire shaft in a twisting, up and over the top maneuver, then releasing it entirely, and finishing the motion by re-grasping the shaft at the base and once again working your way up. Experiment! Have fun with it! There's no right or wrong way to really do this. Even if it feels awkward or looks silly chances are your play partner will be smiling and moaning.
My favorite finishing technique is to use my entire body along with my hand. Once my partner is nearing orgasm, I like to lie on top of them and wrap my right hand around their cock. Their cock is usually level to my belly button and using the same motion and force as when tribbing [2] another woman I being giving a "pressurized" handjob. This position also allows for kissing and whispering in their ear, aiding in a powerfully climatic experience.
Recently I had a play partner who requested that I slap his cock. I had never had this request before, so I was keen to try it. He told me that it was one of those pleasurable almost pain experiences that feels really good if one is sufficiently aroused enough. My best suggestion is to have your partner show this to you first. Genitals are super sensitive and the goal is pleasure and increasing intimacy. He demonstrated what he wanted then had me try which naturally elicited a few giggles from us both. I was slapping it just hard enough to make it loll side-to-side. Kind of like playing sexy ping-pong. He said it felt damn nice while wearing a tightly fitted cock ring. I found it fun to try something different and to learn something new.
The point is that sex and intimacy should be fun, stimulating, and consensual. Get creative, and do not be afraid to experiment with a variety of touches, strokes, and various hand placements and manipulations. It is all good as long as your partner says so!
Eventual climax comes for some--and know that this does not have to be the end goal. Some men cannot come--that is ok. The point of all of this is pleasure and creating intimacy. Yet if care and time is taken, if the arousal in getting there is performed in more than just the old up and down cock stroking, I can assure you that the intensity of climax and even the volume of ejaculation produced can be significantly greater than otherwise achieved.
With communication, frank discussion, and verbalization of what is going on and what is desired, new pleasures can be unlocked. Ask! Tell! Do not be afraid to tell your lover what you would like them to do. Faster? Slower? Harder? Softer? No one is a mind reader.
I hope this has been informative, and though I have tried to keep this light-hearted and simple, the reality is, do not become a porn video when masturbating your partner. There really is not anything arousing in that.
Histological Correlates of Penile Sexual Sensation: Does Circumcision Make a Difference? https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4498824/
Lesbian tribbing guide for beginners (and anyone with a vulva) https://www.cosmopolitan.com/uk/love-sex/sex/a35013871/tribbing/